M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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