dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
