fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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