I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
NoShamevember. You game?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
