So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
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In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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