she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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