FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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