found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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