She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
