You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
third nipple confirmed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
