if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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