i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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