Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
