sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
