Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
