"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
