Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
