the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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