I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FUCK WHALES
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
