so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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