CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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