dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
