True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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