the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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