so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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