Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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