Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
