think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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