I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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