I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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