go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize