my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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