oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
