i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
