I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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