he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think people are normalizing furries
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
