no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
