this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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