Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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