I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
