You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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