if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
