flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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