we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
