weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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