whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
