so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
