i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
zippers are such a cool invention
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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