I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
