I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
