Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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