That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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