i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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