dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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