I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
