ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
