worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
