I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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