I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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