Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
