i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
