I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
