Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
