I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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