His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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