I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
