I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
