as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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