She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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