It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
