for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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